Amy's Choice
by Laylinka
Summary: Set in an AU after Amy's Choice where she admits she made the wrong choice. She talks to the Doctor about her experience with the Dream Lord and why it helped her come to her conclusion. 11th / Amy


Amy and Rory had gone to bed hours ago. The Doctor was below the console area appearing to be fixing things. Not being able to sleep, Amy appeared silently in one of the doorways. She took a few steps but then decided just to sit and watch him be amazing. He walked up the stairs to the console area where she watched his long fingers fiddle with some knobs. There was a tiny explosion from below making her shoulders jump. He hurried down below and continued working.

His back to her, she noticed how his ridiculous suspenders actually accentuated his shoulders and his long lean form. She reflected on her time with him so far, facing the Atraxi, saving a giant space whale and stopping the Dalecks. She had still felt a bit guilty for letting her memory be wiped while they where in the giant Space Britain to keep the Doctor from having to make an impossible choice. He had been very cross with her. He had told her 'Don't ever decide what I need to know,' and she was extremely keen on listening to him. She had found that he could handle much more then she had previously thought. She found him to be surprising and enormously clever. She watched him with a smile and thought of how affectionate he was. During the situation with the angels he comforted her held her hands and kissed her forehead and guided her out of certain death with just his voice. He prepared to come back up to the console again. He took the stairs, this time noticing her. He jumped and gasped.

"Amy, oh Amy, what are you doing here?" he asked walking over to her.

"Watching you be amazing," she answered and he smiled.

"You, should be in bed," he as if he were a parent. She stood.

"I was and I couldn't sleep."

"Why not?"

"I wanted to talk to you but then I saw you where busy and decided to wait since I wasn't tired any way and I didn't want to bother you and you didn't seem to want to talk about it before but I want to talk to you and it is rather important but I was a bit nervous so I thought I'd watch you and maybe when you noticed I'd be more ready to talk." He smiled hugely at her ramble but he could guess what it was about and was very worried on the inside. He didn't want to talk about this demons.

"What is it? How can I help?"

"Well, first, you don't have to tell me your name. The Dream Lord told me that you didn't trust me because you never told me your name. At first I was curious but since it seems to be a very serious top secret matter to you, I respect that. You're the Doctor and for as long as I've been with you so far there's no name more fitting. Keep the secrets that you must, though I know you trust me."

"Oh Amy, I told you," he put his finger under her chin. "I choose my companions with great care, of course I trust you."

"He also said you'll never say you're sorry but you don't have to. I know who you are and what you are. I forgive you and I will always forgive you."

"Oh Amy. Don't say you will always forgive me. You don't know what the future holds."

"Doctor, just do one thing for me."

"Anything."

"Don't be so dark. Insecurity and self loathing look terrible on you, when you are really quite beautiful." He moved his forehead to hers.

"Oh dear, my dear, 900 years have shaped me in ways I wish it hadn't but, I'll try, I'll try not to. Because you're the light in my darkness. As I said, I choose who I travel with carefully. I trust what you believe me to be through your eyes."

"You didn't answer before. Something else the Dream Lord said about you," she began. He pulled back growing uncomfortable. "He also told me that you don't have real friends, that you leave them and never visit, in favor of younger companions, and I saw-" He put a finger over her lips.

"I intend on keeping you with me, he said truthfully. The whole 'real friend' line was hard to handle so he went on to assure her. "I'm not the dark person he made me out to be. That's not my conscience self. That's not how I live my life," he said, practically promising her that he wasn't indeed the dark person he thought himself to be. With as much as she was bringing up to him he was unnerved at how much the Dream Lord had actually told her. He wanted to know everything his dark psyche had let on to but at the same time he dreaded it.

"I know, I-" she started, but he cut her off again. He put a hand on the side of her face.

"I'll keep you with me, Amy, for as long as you want," he said again with honesty in his eyes. "Rory can come along too if he wants to. I love that you love him and I want you to love another human being, to grow old together." At that she wrapped her arms around him.

"I, Doctor I," she paused.

"What is it?" he asked. She pulled away to look him in the face.

"With Rory I felt like I was just settling. Even though I just met you once, my Raggedy Man, you were in every fiber of my being since. Now you came back and, I know you now, and all I want is to know more."

"We have all of time and space," the Doctor began with a smile. "Amy and Rory and the Doctor and the TARDIS."

"You don't understand," she said. He gave her a confused look.

"It's you. I made the wrong choice. I want you." She kissed him on the cheek. "I've always just wanted you back."

"You can't, we can't," he said looking confused, in disbelief and a little disappointed. "I'm an, an alien and you're a human. Remember what I said-"

"Relax, I'm not telling you this to seduce you or to be your girlfriend. I'm telling you this because I'm your friend and I want to go with you and I don't feel the way I thought I felt about Rory."

"You can't," he still insisted, "It's the wrong choice. You and Rory are supposed to be together."

"Why? Did you see our futures or something?"

"Yes," he lied.

"You're lying. I'm not supposed to be with Rory because I don't feel like I'm supposed to be with him. The feelings just aren't there and I can't force them to be."

"But you would've rather have died then live in a world with out him," he countered.

"Listen, Rory is a friend and I saw him die. In the midst of all the madness I was sacred and confused. We where all fighting for our lives." The Doctor took her by the shoulders.

"Listen to me, you're being rash because of all the trauma. Just give it some time. Go to Rory, do, stuff together and I'm sure you both will be just fine." She cupped his face with her hands.

"No, you're not listening to me. It actually put everything in perspective. In the end, I found out it was you that wanted me to choose you and made me at ease with telling you that I choose you too." He took her hands and pulled them away from him and held them.

"You shouldn't feel that way about me, he said firmly. "My darkness is monstrous and selfish."

"Stop it. You're a brilliant, mad, buffoon, befuddled scientist who travels the world with two hearts of pure gold," she smiled. She cracked his stone façade and he smiled.

"Stop it," he said looking downwards. She put both his hands on her heart.

"There is a part of you that wants me all to yourself,"

"Stop," he said earnestly.

"Isn't there?" he looked up at her like a child that's been apprehended by an adult. So innocent yet so guilty.

"There is." he confirmed.

"Then show it," she coaxed. He snatched her up quickly and tightly, inhaling the scent of her hair.

"Oh Amy, you'll have me in your life for as long as you wish. I'll never leave you behind."


End file.
